Sarcasm Soapbox at the Golden Globes

It’s award season! Here are the highlights from the Golden Globes, according to Hilary Lyon Axle Hatchet, our glorious friend Nicole, and me.

The unofficial award for best bangs goes to: Anne Hathaway. Now that her Fantine-shorn hair has grown out sufficiently she has extremely lovely hair. Thank the lord the beautiful Jennifer Lawrence pulled her bangs back into an updo. She was rocking unfortunate bangs for far too long.

The unofficial award for best family moment goes to: Denzel Washington and his date, his daughter Olivia. She called him a nerd, and they have the same laugh. Bless. Though, a close runner up would be Don Cheadle introducing Mr. Golden Globe – it’s Michael J. Fox’s son and he could not be a more mini version of his dad. HE’S SO PRECIOUS!

The unofficial award for best hair goes to:
Female: Dame Helen Mirren. LOVE the curls!

Male: Leonardo DiCaprio. He’s got it quite dark, and does a great side part. Great side part indeed.

Best intro line: ”Only at the Golden Globes do the beautiful people of film rub shoulders with the rat faced people of TV.” No word of a lie, I laughed until my stomach hurt at Amy Poehler and Tina Fey’s intro. It might have actually been the most genuinely funny thing I’ve seen on TV in a long time.

Best line of the whole show: Tina – “Taylor Swift, you stay away from Michael J. Fox’s son. She needs some me time to learn about herself!”

Jodie Foster. What the hell is this speech? She accepts an award, she thanks everyone for it, and then goes on an extreme rant about wanting people to respect her privacy. It’s great when the camera pans to the crowd and you see people’s faces just completely agape, like Mel Gibson. This speech started off great, COMPLETELY lost us in the middle, but she found her way back eventually. It’s heartfelt, it’s rambling, it’s funny, it’s completely disorganized and it never ends. Single most confusing speech I’ve ever heard.

And the big winners are:

Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical
Les Miserables

Best Motion Picture – Drama
Argo

Best Actor in a motion picture: Comedy or Musical
Hugh Jackman, Les Miserables

Best Actress in a motion picture: Comedy or Musical
Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook

Best Actor in a motion picture: Drama
Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln

Best Actress in a motion picture: Drama
Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty

Best Supporting Actor in a motion picture
Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained

Best supporting actress in a motion picture
Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables

Director, Motion Picture
Ben Affleck, Argo

Best Actor, TV Series: Drama
Damian Lewis, Homeland 

Best Actress, TV Series Drama
Claire Danes, Homeland

Best Actor in a TV series: Comedy
Don Cheadle, House of Lies

Best Actress in a TV series: Comedy
Lena Dunham, Girls

Best TV Series – Drama
Homeland

Best TV Series – Comedy or Musical
Girls

Original Song: Motion Picture
Skyfall by Adele. AS IF there would be anybody else!

Other highlights: Game Change won a lot of awards. Like a lot. As did Homeland.

Sarcasm Soapbox’s Best Dressed:

Lucy Liu

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. They had multiple amazing outfits, but the gowns they worn in the beginning of the show were my favourite.

Sarcasm Soapbox’s Worst Dressed:

Eva Longoria. What was that dress/body suit combo? Look at your life, look at your choices.

Halle Berry. One word: Uniboob.

Travel etiquette

‘Tis the season for visiting friends! And if you’re like me, without a car, or a car co-op nearby, you’re bussing and training it to all your friends’ fabulous fêtes. And while you’re probably an extremely delightful traveler (I can just tell), odds are you’re going to end up sitting beside someone completely awful at one point or another. Pull up this blog and read it in plain view – passive aggression was never so effective!

Easy holiday “baking”

Our sister-in-law Jess has introduced me to the easiest holiday recipe, perfect for potlucks, cookie exchanges, and all the dessert platters this holiday season demands. Introducing “Chocolate covered Oreo-pops!” (Though that name is really boring, so maybe I should call them something like Susan Surprise, or STYKZ. Both of those names are very unique.)

Ahhhh, so pretty!

Michael Fassbender’s Smile Alarms Me

Today I’ve actually decided to be somewhat productive. I have outlined a guide of sorts to our rather in depth famous people face references. Yes, that does sound needlessly confusing, but there’s really no good way to explain this. I’ll just jump right in.

Not your Nona’s gnocchi

Any time I buy potatoes they tend to sit in my pantry until they start to sprout a bit. I like potatoes but for some reason, I never really cook them by choice. So anytime I make this misguided purchase I also end up making gnocchi. For those of you who don’t know, gnocchi is essentially a potato pasta; kind of like Italian dumplings that you can cover in tomato sauce, or toss with pesto. For those of you who do know, gnocchi is way easier to make than you’ve ever imagined, it’s just a bit time consuming. Set aside a decent chunk of time, and get peeling!

Essential scarves for every outfit

I bought a new scarf. It’s a sickness really. Perhaps I have two forms of crazy: my unwavering arachnophobia and my unquenchable addiction to scarves. I guess I might as well put the latter to use. And so: essential scarves for every outfit.

I Make Good Playlists

Perhaps that is a sweeping statement that some of you may not find true. Well, alright then. I make good playlists if you happen to like  similar music to myself. If not, well, then you probably won’t think they’re as good. Logic.

What I’m reading right now: The Sisters Brothers

The Sisters Brothers, by Patrick DeWitt, is a postmodernist western, that won a whole heck of a lot of awards, as you can see by House of Anansi’s website. But that’s only the part of the reason that I wanted to read it. Well I won’t lie it’s a lot of the reason I wanted to read it because those awards are endorsements. I invite you to look at “Heather’s Picks” on Indigo. She’s not really discovering some unknown author from an unknown publisher. Ondaatje? Yeah he’s only slightly famous. But I digress.

Nip-Nip and Kip-Kip’s guide to London

If you’ve never read this blog before, I’ll fill you in. Hilary and I went to London last year and it was AWESOME. I’m just waiting for her to hurry and and graduate so we can go back to the UK, but you know how these university degrees go; they don’t just hand them out for free. Anyways, when I was cleaning out my room I discovered this gem: our official guide to London. Hilary obviously came up with the nicknames, and I can’t remember who was who, but here we go.

Hilaryisms

I say a lot of things that are, frankly, made up. Not only are they made up, but they have been created in my tortured mind, which adds a whole other component of ridiculousness. Because of this, there is a large possibility that you do not know what a “flying crap weasel” is and, really, why would you? That sounds like a horrible thing that no one would ever want to experience. I get it.