Monthly Archives: February 2012

If You Don’t Read This, You’re A Blast-Ended Skank

So, if you’re a nerd like I am and also a fan of the Harry Potter series, you will have undoubtedly heard of Harry Potter Puppet Pals, which is funny anytime/all the time. But my favourite Harry Potter Puppet Pals video is by far the one about Wizard Swears. It makes me wish that I could use these words in real life. I might just start. Continue reading

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The full-body tremor: Julia on caffeine

In university I discovered that I have a heart arrhythmia. It wasn’t difficult to do, you tend to notice when your heart lumps around in your chest to no particular rhythm at all. It’s a bit scary at first, but then it’s just uncomfortably annoying. In any case, I had to wear a heart monitor to test out to see what kind of arrhythmia it was. Turns out it’s the boring kind – absolutely benign, not threatening in the least, and very avoidable. In an exciting turn of events, I did find out that I’m allergic to those suction-y electrodes, though. SO. Itchy. I prevent my heart arrhythmia from occurring by getting lots of sleep (I go to bed at 9:30 – no word of a lie – though I do get up at 5:45. I’m on the same sleep schedule as my Nana.); avoiding stress (which is easy once you’re finished university and aren’t in a bubble of constant panic and essay-induced paranoia); and by avoiding caffeine. Ah. That one’s hard. Continue reading

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Why Have I Done This To Myself?

I have given up candy for lent and I can’t for the life of me figure out why now. This is particularly sad because it has only been seven days. Just one week. I am jonesing for a Skittle. One Skittle. I don’t know how I’m going to survive for the next forty days. I’m not, is probably the most likely answer. Maybe it’ll get easier after a while. Or at least, I hope it will get easier after a while. Continue reading

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I’m turning into my dog Rachel

Rachel taking a cute little snooze

I’ve already blogged about our supermodel dog Sam, with his dreamy eyes and lack of any measurable intelligence, but it’s Rachel who I really identify with. She’s wily, having escaped from her original owners; she’s empathetic, evidenced by how she shakes like a leaf whenever Sam is in trouble (which is often); she’s friendly and she wiggles her bum. Continue reading

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But where is the fondue? A post brought to you by The Bachelor

This week we start with an interesting recap where Ben states that Nikki is the darkhorse. Is it rude to compare a woman to livestock? We think so. Then we segue to Lindzi clopping in on a horse. And then there’s Courtney who’s just an ass. HA! Continue reading

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Sarcasm Soapbox at the Oscars

We made bow ties!

We got dressed up in our best bow-ties for the occasion, put out a spread and created a few cocktails for the occasion, which we dubbed The Sophisticated Chip N Dale, and The Jazz Hands Hooker. Delicious and classy! We did all this for you, dear readers, so we could give you our sarcastic take on The Oscars. Didn’t watch the show? Doesn’t matter! Have we got a recap for you. Continue reading

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What is the deal with Lana Del Rey?

I might be the only one who doesn’t understand where this chick came from all of a sudden, but it has left me baffled. Who is she? Why is everyone so obsessed with her? And it’s strange because half the people who talk about her (all the time) are crazy, die-hard fans and the other half hate her guts for reasons unknown (and yet they talk about her all the time as well). Continue reading

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Fame! (And I don’t mean the 80s television series)

I have decided that I am going to be the most famous non-famous person out there. What I mean by that is that I will be famous for doing absolutely nothing. The ultimate goal is to be on Ellen some day, because, I mean really, she is the queen of day time talk show television, especially since Oprah retired to build her empire/slowly take over the world. But really, was there ever any competition? No, there wasn’t. Continue reading

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Movie review: This Means War

Last Friday Hilary and I went to see This Means War, a romcom starring Tom Hardy (mega drool), Chris Pine (quite a cutie), and Reese Witherspoon (who does have lovely hair, I have to say that). We were pleasantly surprised. And for sarcastic bitter old cronies like Hilary and I, that is a glowing recommendation. You all will LOVE it. There were moments when I laughed out loud. Out loud! At a romcom! I know that most romcoms are supposed to be funny, but this one actually is. You should go see it. Continue reading

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What a Terrible Photo

On “Oh No They Didn’t” (, I read an article about the Wikipedia pictures for celebrities and how they always pick horrible photos. At first, I was a little skeptical. They had a picture of Emma Stone that really wasn’t that bad at all, so I didn’t really believe them. But then I started looking up some famous people and I realized that they were right. Most of them are awful! Continue reading

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