I have come to realize that I greatly dislike discussions of people’s body weight. I dislike discussions of my own weight, as a matter of fact. As a rule, I try not to know how much any one person weighs at any given time so I can live in blissful ignorance. I find it extremely awkward when people tell me they have gained weight. What is the correct response to that? I can’t very well say that they haven’t, can I? Because clearly they have or they wouldn’t be telling me. They would know. Who am I to argue with them about their own weight? And I’m almost positive that the right answer is not agreeing with them. Surely they don’t want other people to tell them that they’ve gained weight as well. I even find it uncomfortable when people tell me they’ve lost weight. It opens up a whole other realm of uncertain replies. Do you congratulate them? Do you tell them that you’ve noticed? No, because that makes it seem like you also noticed they used to be fat.
I think what this all boils down to is that I don’t want to be the kind of friends that comment on each other’s weight. Obviously, I find conversation of other people’s fluctuating body mass uncomfortable, but I don’t want you to talk about mine either. Please don’t tell me that I’ve gained weight. Don’t even tell me that I’ve lost weight. I own a mirror. I already know. Actually, I should revise that. If, at any point in my life, I slip into a stupor of depression and eat myself into obesity, please tell me that I’ve gained weight. I’ll understand, you’re only concerned for my heart health.