Strangers who irritate me: celebrities edition

Fame doesn’t mean that you’re awesome or well liked. Sometimes I’m not sure what fame means at all because there a lot of famous people out there who I either abhor, am irrationally irritated by, or make my skin crawl (I’m looking at you Marc Anthony.) And the list commences:

Marc Anthony (saw that one coming, didn’t you.) I only mostly dislike him because he’s so unhealthily thin that it scares me a bit. I just really want him to get a good sleep and eat a good meal. And yes, perhaps it’s irrational and mean to dislike somebody because they’re thin, but his face is so drawn, it creeps me out. And I dislike it.

Scarlett Johanson I’m not entirely sure what she’s like in real life, because I’ve never met her of course, and by that I mean I’ve never had the chance to punch her in the uterus. She just plays such terrible characters in every movie I’ve ever seen her in. Even Scoop, where she’s supposed to be the main character and charming, I can’t help but absolutely abhor her. She rubs me the wrong way. Whether it’s her low raspy voice, or the fact that she screwed over Jennifer Connelly in He’s Just Not That Into You or that she seems incredibly up herself, I just can’t stand her.

Jessica Alba Jessica Alba is less interesting than toast. You know how Ellen can make you love everybody? She can’t make you love Jessica Alba. She embodies all the fun qualities of a bran muffin in person; I honestly think that her personality fell out of her nose on the set of Honey and was never found again.

Taylor Swift She seems so nice and cute but, darnit use a metaphor for once! She seems like a gangly bunny and so I can’t really hate her – I honestly think that she has a good soul. All I’m saying is that CoverGirl could have chosen a rather more graceful spokeswoman to “float” around in their commercials. That girl is just all elbow.

Katie Perry Not only does she come off as rather unintelligent in most interviews, but she traded in her formerly Christian morals for whipped cream boobs. Classy. But mostly I greatly, greatly, dislike her because of the lyrics in E.T. “take me, ta-ta-take me/Wanna be a victim/Ready for abduction.” Darn that song is catchy, but also the most offensive thing I’ve ever heard on the radio. It’s so inappropriate, especially when you consider that a lot of 13 year old girls listen to her music. This is what has led me to believe that Katy Perry might actually be Satan. You don’t want to be abducted Katy Perry, why would you even say that? Feminists, and just women who don’t agree with sexual violence, all over the world question this with me.

Madonna Queen of Pop or not, your fake English accent is really annoying. Also, you should not bear that much upper thigh. I don’t care how fit you are, certain things just sag. Like your lady parts, as you’ve shown us.

Nicholas Cage I can’t quite put a finger on what exactly bugs me about Nicholas Cage. I think it’s his face. Maybe it’s his voice. I’m not sure. I don’t enjoy him.

Perhaps this was unkind.

~ Julia

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One thought on “Strangers who irritate me: celebrities edition

  1. […] funny to me, is that my dad doesn’t care at all that Julia also says some unkind things about Madonna’s lady parts. If I said that, he’d be afraid that Madonna would sue me. Or cry. I’m not sure which […]

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