Pants shopping is the single worst experience that I can ever go through, and I strongly believe that it is the same for many people. Pants never fit properly. EVER. They are either too short or too big around the waist or acid washed. Seriously? It’s not 1985, why do those still exist? I get it, hipsters, you’re ironic, but you are ruining pants for all of us! Sheesh, some people.
But seriously, I will put off buying pants until I can’t avoid it any longer. And then I’ll wait some more. I never have more then three pairs of pants at a time because it is simply too much work to have anymore than that. Shopping for pants is just exhausting. You have to start by picking the right time to do it. You don’t want to go during peak store hours where strangers will either see you in hideous, ill-fitting corduroys or watch you have a complete meltdown in the change rooms and cry, which I’m sure has happened to more people than you think. Ask around.
You also have to be in a good mood. God forbid you go shopping for jeans when you’re having a mental fat day. You won’t make that mistake twice. Also don’t go when you’re actually having a fat day because then you end up with pants that are four inches larger around the waist than they need to be. And they stretch out.
And then, when you actually get to the store, you have spend a lengthy period of time taking jeans on and off, which is physically tiring. It’s also mentally trying because there’s something wrong with at least 80% of the pants you try on. If this is not true for you, let me assure you that the majority of people reading this hate you in principle. As a tall woman with a startling amount of thigh and butt muscle (thanks, ballet), it is nearly impossible to find jeans that fit and also look good. They are usually three sizes too big around the waist and about five inches too short, which puts them roughly halfway between the acceptable pant length and capri length. So floods. You know what flared flood pants look like? Ugly, is what. Trust me.
I would now like to leave you with an image that will traumatize you for life. Please don’t read this before you go to bed. And let me just remind you that these things actually exist/existed at one point in time. I’m sorry on behalf of everyone for everyone. Truly.