Jessica Simpson is Apparently Very Intriguing

I have learned something about all of you dear readers out there. And what I have learned is that you’re all obsessed with Jessica Simpson. Who knew? I certainly didn’t. You make one little comment about her being quite a large pregnant woman and suddenly people from the good country of Hungary (holla!) are reading your blog in search of whether or not she’s giving  birth to a whale. That’s perhaps not totally true, but someone did search “Jessica Simpson whale”, which does not point to anything kind.

So I would like to take this time to bank on this new-found interest and scam more readers. Uhh…I mean, talk about Jessica Simpson some more because that is clearly what the people want.

First of all, I would like to start by clearing some of the rumours out there.

  1. No, she is not giving birth to a whale. Why would you even ask that?
  2. No, she has not been pregnant for more than a year, although it does feel like that.
  3. And yes, she has agreed to name her daughter Hilary. We’re very close. That’s obviously not true, or I would probably know when her baby was due.

But seriously, many of you ask when she got pregnant and when she will be having her baby. And what really astounds me is that NO ONE KNOWS. I don’t even think she knows. I have watched many interviews (so many interviews) and she always seems to be saying that she’s due in a couple weeks, but she’s saying this over the course of several weeks. Your guess is as good as mine, folks.

Here’s another thing I would like to share with you. I am now genuinely concerned for her and little unborn Hilary. I was talking to my friend Shirin, who is going to make an excellent doctor some day. Shirin told me something about amniotic fluid that just freaked me right out. Apparently, due to some incredibly scientific thing that I don’t fully understand because I gave up on science when my grade eleven chemistry teacher drew sad faces all over one of my tests (holy run-on sentence, Batman), it is possible that the baby’s esophagus is actually attached to its lungs. What? What? On a side note, did you also know that it is possible for a baby to be born without a brain?

Now, before you get carried away, let me please tell you that I know none of this for certain and that I am certainly not suggesting that Jessica Simpson’s baby will be born without a brain. Actually, the only thing I seem to be suggesting for certain is that whoever thought she was giving birth to a whale is very, very wrong. You seriously could not be more wrong. WRONG.

~ Hilary

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