Gratuitous winking to be punished at all costs

I’ve been a horrible slacker today, and didn’t post at 7:30 a.m. like I usually do. Horrible, horrible slacker. The reason, as Hilary alluded to, is that we were away this weekend, partying in the USA. Hil had a dance competition in Detroit and I came along for the ride. It has made me incredibly exhausted and yet, now I have something truly hilarious to write about, so you should be thankful in the end. I know I am.

Dance faces.

They’re just hilarious.

You can really tell the natural-born performers because their faces fit the occasion. They look truly happy to be on stage, and their face just lights up the whole room. Seriously, there was one dancer who just shimmied onto the stage with such joy in their face I almost died of happiness right then and there. And if they are doing a serious modern piece they have a serious face. Not a constipated face. Stop frowning in consternation! Unfurrow your brow for the love of all that is holy! I can’t handle the melodrama!

And then there are the dancers who employ the duck face for every. other. move. It’s not as sexy as you think ladies (and shockingly, gentlemen). Putting on a ridiculous pout does not make your incredibly boring dance to Lady Marmalade look sexy. It makes it look ridiculous. I’d like to say that these dancers put on stupid faces so they can pretend to be better dancers, but honestly some of them were quite talented. (Well reasonably talented).

But truly the best, and most hilarious dance face I have EVER seen in my whole dance life (and that spans 19 years, so you know this has gotta be good) was on this really pretty dancer of about 15. She was doing what I can only assume was hip hop but honestly, the choreography was a bit ambiguous, and she kept winking. And not just a sly cheeky wink, but a full-out, I’m-scrunching-up-half-my-face-to-do-this-type wink. Much like this:

If you make this face around me I will unfriend you from real life. For real.

That is not acceptable in any dance ever. But it is horrifyingly and yet hilariously super-unacceptable in a hip hop number.

Now maybe I’m just biased because dancers at my studio don’t make stupid faces, they just perform. And maybe I’m being unnecessarily mean. The only thing I can say with certainty is that I am exhausted and have no patience for gratuitous winkers.

~ Julia

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