I can’t wait for The Bachelorette to start: another post brought to by The Voice

Okay, so apparently there’s another episode of this show on Tuesdays…we will not be watching these. Regardless, Christina kept Ashley from her team and Blake kept Jordis, sending home four other people, whose names I cannot remember. You look it up.

The teams battling it out this week are Adam’s and Cee Lo’s. I for one cannot wait to see what Cee Lo is wearing. Ah…something relatively normal this week. I mean, he still looks like a pimp, but a pimp without a wig.

Christina’s hair is still looking normal, but her cleavage is out of control. Plus, yet again, she’s wearing an outrageous amount of eyeshadow. And Blake is normal as per usual.

Also, what has happened to Christina Millian that she needs to be the correspondent host for a reality television show? I mean, to be fair, she was never super famous, but she did do the Kim Possible theme song.

And now, the perfomances.

Katrina 

She’s wearing an awesome dress in rehearsal and apparently she’s too much like Adele. Is that really a bad thing, though? Adele’s numerous grammies might beg to differ. She has a troupe of violin players behind her, which is something I think we all wish we had.

Cheesa

Cheesa has a hard name to spell. That, to me, says “cheese”, but with an “a” on the end. Regardless, she has disco dancing back up dancers and what could be better? Nothing. Well, that’s probably not true, but I enjoyed it. She’s also wearing a Flock of Seagulls-inspire pantsuit…and she also has crazy, glittery eyeshadow, but she’s good.

Tony

Tony used to be int he Mickey Mouse club with Christina Aguilera, back when she was innocent and wore less eye make-up. The background images for his performance are giant irises, and I don’t mean the flower. He’s alright, I guess, but we don’t love him. Christina continues to be rather mean and calls Tony one dimensional. Can’t say I definitely disagree, but whoa.

Kim

Oh, I love this woman! She’s awesome and reminds me of Shaka Khan, which has to be the best name in the whole world. Julia has goosebumps all over her entire body. This woman is fantastic. She’s wearing an excellent dress, too, and has wonderful back-up singers. Everything about her is great.

James

Dude, what is with the headband? He’s just a regular J. Biebs, what with all the tween fans. Blake is the best and says that he “almost threw his panties on stage”. Christina uses the word “dope” and it makes me want to punch her in the kneecaps.

Juliet

She sings the worst song in the world. Women named Roxanne all over the world hate it and Sting. But she’s good nonetheless. She has two nose rings in one nostril. Is that crazy? I think that’s crazy. Adam loves her, despite the fact that she’s on Cee Lo’s team. Christina is nice for once, but says dope again. Apparently, Adam, Christina, and Cee Lo all fought to have Juliet on their team, which leads me to our newest poll.

Mathai

She has an awesome voice and a cool dress. Christina continues to be mean even while she’s being nice. That’s a unique and terrible talent.

Tony (Vincent)

I don’t know how I would feel if my dad wore eyeliner. Well yes I do, I lied. I would feel horrible and confused. To each there own. We can’t help but think that he should have sung Queen rather than this obscure crap. Even the judges are in consensus that the song sucks.

Carla

She’s bringing out Berth, her big-voiced sassy inner Diva. And by that I mean, her eyeshadow is GLITTER-LICIOUS. Her voice is a bit… less so. It’s not great my friends.

Erin

My arch-nemesis. I hate this girl’s attitude and her hair. Hilary hates her whole leg cankles – honestly she has no definition. No knees, no ankles, no good. Much like her performance. It just fell a bit flat.

Pip

Pip Pip Hooray! Leather jacket and boy tie? Yes please. Christina again is quite the diva, and is mean to Pip and his bow tie. Shame. Adam calls him too trustworthy, as if that’s a terrible thing and somehow affects your voice. We’re not sure.

Jamar

There are women playing electric guitars, wearing feather capri pants, and stilts backing him up. You’re know you’re wild stuff when that happens. Jamar sings “Are you going to go my way” by Lenny Kravitz and just dominates! Kravitz – stick to acting in teen movies, Jamar, with his neck tattoo, have made you look like a six-year old in a school choir. Darn that was good!

The moral of the story chillins, is that everybody was either really good or really bad. But there’s only one winner here, and that’s Cee Lo’s bright red suit.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: