Last night, I was talking with Julia and two of our very bestest dance friends, Kim and Sheila (yes, the Sheila who prayed to God for Julia in ballet class). We were talking about tabloids and what crap they are. I think we can all agree that this is true. And there are so many reasons, but here are a few specific ones.
1. The constant story line about Brangelina breaking up. It has been what, like seven years? They’re still together. Can anyone honestly tell me that they care? Because I certainly do not. I’m over it. That was soooo 2003.
2. The then accompanying story line that Jennifer Aniston is “devastated”. No, she’s not. She, like most of the free world, could care less.
3. The ever-present headline about some celebrity being pregnant when they are so clearly not. A favourite for this one is definitely Jennifer Aniston. Either she has had twelve babies in secret or these magazines are lying to us. Another woman they like to pin pregnancies on is Kate Middleton. Remember when they tried to tell us she was going to be having twins three months after her wedding? Didn’t happen, did it?
4. Celebrities without make-up. Yes, we get it. Sofia Vergara looks much better with a little blush and some mascara on. But, really, don’t we all? That’s kind of the whole point of make-up.
5. Extreme weight gain. Tabloids like to harass Janet Jackson about this one. She just has a crazy weight fluctuation things happening. She still looks better than most people. Jennifer Love Hewitt was also the focal point of these stories for a while. I would like to point out that she is quite trim. And pretty much always was.
6. Extreme weight loss. Yes, we get it, the Olsen twins weigh about 90 pounds a piece. They’re also like 5’2″.
7. Some supposedly huge and devastating break-up is always happening. And then the woman is most likely adopting a child. In the case of Sandra Bullock, this was actually true, but a large part of me thinks that that was just a happy coincidence.
8. The new model girlfriend of George Clooney or Leonardo DiCaprio. They are very wealthy, very talented, and rather good-looking (George more so than Leo). Of course their girlfriends are attractive. If you had won an Oscar and made millions and millions of dollars over the course of your life, wouldn’t your chosen life partner be good-looking? Wouldn’t your chosen life partner be good-looking regardless of your lifetime achievements and annual salary? If you don’t think that your partner is attractive, perhaps it is time for you to move on.