Monthly Archives: May 2012

Please enjoy these Harry Potter memes

These are hilarious. Please enjoy.

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The British Are Better

I have said many times that British things are better. Better than what, you ask? Everything. Just better. This is of course not actually true. Their teeth are much, much worse. Worse than what, you ask? Worse than everything. In any case, I will now give you video evidence of British people being better. Better than what, you ask? I’ve already answered that. Stop asking. Continue reading

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Modesty is not a virtue. It’s common sense.

A lot of starlets have been caught without knickers on, on camera no less, and how embarrassing for them! But that can be solved easily, by following Hilary’s pact and wearing underwear at all times, and never letting it leave your body when in public. I think it would be extremely embarrassing for someone to snap a photo of your polkadot unders, but I think it would be even more embarrassing to have a photo snapped of what is UNDER those unders. Continue reading

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I Love French Music

I have developed a love for French music. You remember my friend Elise? Well she’s the one who introduced me to it. And I will now introduce it to all of you in turn. It’s oddly soothing. I think it might be because I can’t understand any of the lyrics except for the odd word picked out from my remaining memories of grade twelve French class. No mention of payphones anywhere. Continue reading

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That’s not my name

First, please listen to this song as you read this post.

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You’re a Jerk. No Offense.

Have you ever noticed that any time someone says “no offense”, it’s usually after something horrendously offensive? Just because you have tacked those two words on the end there, it doesn’t make what you have just said any less hurtful. Case in point: “You’re a jerk. No offense”. You have still called me a jerk, even if you don’t want me to be offended by it. Just a little helpful hint, I am. Continue reading

I Like the Sound of Your Voice, But Please Shut Up: A Post Brought to You by The Bachelorette

We start off this week’s episode with a nice conversation between Emily and her mother, Estelle from Friends. Seriously, she should quit smoking. Back at the house, meanwhile, Chris Harrison congratulates the men because there are only sixteen left. Only? That’s a lot of people! In any case, Chris, a.k.a. Spaggy-Eye, gets the first one-on-one date. It is, of course, a challenge taken from Fear Factor. “Climbing a building is a lot like love”. No. It isn’t. God, I hate him already. Continue reading

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Mind your manners

Email has evolved a long way since it’s inception in the middle ages. Seriously, I feel like it has been around for a million years. It boggles my mind that people used to hand write letters (because there were no typewriters even) and then mail them to each other using the oh so reliable method that is PIGEONS. Honestly! Yeah right am I sending off my letters strapped to the leg of a flying rat. That’s how you get hepatitis, leprosy, and other gruesome illnesses. But since then, some bloke invented email, and we all have one, maybe even two or three email addresses. And this is where it all went to crap. Continue reading

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Stage Grime Forever

Recital weekend is over and now it’s time to relax and soothe my aching joints before next year. Here’s the thing, though: I’m not sure I’ll be able to get the stage grime fully off my feet before it’s time for next year’s recital. That stuff clings for life. Stage grime is to recitals what glitter is to crafts (although, admittedly, I’m also covered in a fair bit of glitter and none of it is actually mine). I fear that my feet will be black, greyish at the very least, until the day I die because I have spent so much time on that stage. Continue reading

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