“Thou art spacious in the possession of dirt”

It’s that time again. The time when I sit down and share all of the uber hilarious things you, our dear readers, type into the Google search bar. The things that lead you to us by accident. All I can say is thank the good Lord I only wrote positive things about One Direction, or I have a feeling those crazed One Directioners, as they call themselves, would’ve hunted me down and smothered me in my sleep. That, or stoned me. Which reminds me, One Directions rules! Ahem…

People continue to be oddly fascinated with Jennifer Love Hewitt’s mole and Our Lips Are Sealed, that well-known, crap Olsen twin movie from the early 2000s. Interestingly, people are also very intrigued by Dean Martin, which, in my opinion, is a much more worthwhile interest.

But on to what you have been searching.

“Voldemort bad hair”

Voldemort doesn’t have hair.

“Thou art spacious in the possession of dirt”

Hahahahaha. That is all.

“Hell hath no fury mom”

This one is a bit confusing because of the grammatical context. It could potentially be “Hell hath no fury, Mom”, which makes me laugh a lot because it’s like an angst-ridden teenager telling their mother that hell has no fury.

“Who is wink the dancer?”

This also has confusing grammar, but I like to think of it as “Who is Wink the dancer?”, like Wink is a person. And, in that case, I also want to know who Wink the dancer is.

“Joseph Gordon-Levitt body type”

Does Joseph Gordon-Levitt have a body type? I guess so, because everyone has a body type. But what is his body type? Thin, I think.

“Has J.Lo been nominated for an Oscar?”

Dear Lord, no. Clearly you haven’t seen The Wedding Planner. In the wise words of our dear friend Cristina, “Is that the one where she plays a maid?” No, that’s Maid in Manhattan, which, incidentally, is equally as terrible. Gigli takes the cake, though. That became an all-encompassing, multi-purpose word to describe things that are awful in almost every way.

“I have my own cubicle”

Congratulations.

~ Hilary Axle Hatchet

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