I’m sending you, and your giant ego home: A post brought to you by The Bachelorette

This week Emily heads to Croatia with the men!

First date: One-on-one with Travis

Emily wears an incredibly gorgeous scarf and I’m very jealous, but not necessarily of her company – I just can’t think of Travis as anything but The Egg Guy. And on a scale of 1 to 8, Travis calls this date a 10. What a peculiar scale, but we believe it Travis, we believe it.

Emily and Travis go out for dinner and we determine that Emily doesn’t really like-like Travis, he’s more like a fun friend to hang around with. (Yes, I just said like-like as if we’re in 4th grade. You’re just going to have to deal with it.) In the end, Emily sends Travis home for just that reason: there’s no romantic connection. It’s a bit sad, as silly as Travis is, but I think everybody could see that coming.

Second date: Group date

The gentlemen head to the movies to watch Brave before it’s out – though Ricki was sent home to Charlotte, so that was poor timing! Of course, in true terrible metaphor style, all the guys compare their situation with movie and draw reaching parallels. Then Emily has them all compete in Highland Games, wherein they have to wear kilts. It’s a bit odd, because the piper is playing “Scotland the Brave” and they’re in Croatia – one of the most beautiful places on Earth and yet there did nothing Croatia-related. Hum.

The moral of the story is the Chris (or spagz as we call him) failed a whole lot at the various challenges but if he “had more time to practice” he would have done better. If he hadn’t talked such a big game, we wouldn’t have teased him so much. Sean however, was so strong that threw the caper and and it broke. WHAT. In the end Chris gets the “bravery cup” for thinking he’s a better athlete than he is. She rewards him for trying his best, but really, he just kind of sucked.

On a separate note, why do all the guys say “I have a lot of strong feelings towards you?” THAT’S NOT PROPER ENGLISH CHAPS! You were just in England for the love of lanta! You know what strong feelings are? When Jef says “You give me the type of feeling that people write novels about.” OH my gosh I just love him. And yet, at the end of the date, Emily gives Chris the rose. What?

One-on-one date: Ryan (the pig) 

35% of the time Ryan is really fun, but 65% of the time you just hate him because he’s such a tool because of the lines like “every man should believe his wife is a trophy.” VOMIT MYSELF TO DEATH. While Ryan thinks he can justify these statements by saying that he wants to be able to say that his wife is the best. But also that his wife is an object…

Ryan and Emily head for dinner and she wears a long, gold gown. If she didn’t want to be a trophy she shouldn’t have dressed like an Oscar. Ryan brings a list of all the 12 things that he needs in a wife, and they’re all “supporting” roles. None of them are, I want you to be intelligent and happy, they’re all “you have to support me, you have to lift me up, you have to nurture me, you have to be a servant to our family.” She’s an idiot if she gives him a rose.

… and in a completely shocking twist, she doesn’t! For the first time, in Bachelor history, someone sees through the veil of lies into the douchey heart of a contestant. Ryan’s ego get’s the better of him, and chastises Emily for letting him go, because he, naturally, thinks that he’s a god and that she’s missing out. Ryan tries to talk (bully) her out of it, and I HATE HIM. Emily sticks to her guns, and man I have so much respect for this woman!

The rose ceremony

Emily flat out states, that going into the ceremony, she would send home John (Wolf), but they sit down and have the most beautiful conversation I’ve ever seen. He flat out states that he has difficulty opening up on this show, and that’s so fair, and then, without seeming totally false, opens up to Emily. I think for the first time, I really like Wolf. On the other hand, Doug then has a surprisingly awkward conversation with Emily because he has yet to kiss her and it comes out in extreme awkwardness. We feel like Doug is so mature, and so nurturing that he has forgotten how to be romantic. HUM. Who will go home?

In the end

… Emily has a strop about who to eliminate, Doug or Wolf, and just turns away from them, with no explanation, and leaves the rose ceremony. UM? To go and chat with Chris Harrison. He comes back with two roses, and both John and Doug get a rose. In the end, Ryan’s douchey advice about not making a big mistake, is what keeps them both, so she can test out the potential of each guy. Ah Ryan, what an unexpected turn of events!

Next week, the best place to fall in love in Europe (not Paris) Prague!

~ Julia

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