Polyandry isn’t legal you know: A post brought to you by The Bachelorette

Tonight, Emily and the final three head to Curacao (which I had to Google – it’s a Dutch Caribbean island in case you were also wondering).

First date: Sean

They kick off the date by hopping into a helicopter. I would say that this is truly Bachelorette cliche, but we actually haven’t seen them much this season. They’ve been really holding back – I hear the whole helicopter budget got slashed. (Not really, that’s how rumours get started.) Emily and Sean get dropped off at their own private island, and hang out, set to a score worthy of a Peter Jackson movie. Emily grills Sean essentially about not telling her that he loves her. Pressure’s on Sean! I would say that she’s being highly ridiculous and that you can’t force somebody to say I love you, but in Bachelorette world, you do have to be strategic, and if Sean doesn’t let her know how he feels she’ll ditch him for somebody who has. And the other two have.

At night, Sean and Emily sit by a fire and Sean reads an adorable letter he wrote to Ricki, which is really a way to get to Emily’s heart. Sean finally just breaks down and says that he has fallen in love with Emily, but it was a bit as though he was held a gun point and was very reluctant to have said it. All in all it was a bit of a boring date, which might actually be a good sign because real couples are rather boring in real life. Emily invites him to the fantasy suite in a very unawkward way. Props to her! But, randomly, Emily decides that they shouldn’t spend all night together. We suspect that she’s trying to set a good example and not physically lead too many people one. We also suspect that Sean might be going home.

Second date: Jef

The date begins with Jef being the most adorable person in the entire world pretty much. This sounds super lame, but you can tell how happy Emily is by her huge goofy smile the whole time she’s with him. I’m not even a little unbiased through (team Jef!).

At dinner, the roles are reversed and Jef asks the questions of Emily. Good call Jef, because really, nobody has really asked her those big things yet. I think this is how Emily and Jef jive so well together – they make sure all the fundamental stuff is the same – regardless of how incongruous they look together. Sure they can share skinny jeans, but that can only bring a couple together, right? Jef makes sure he asks if Emily thinks that he and Ricki will be a good fit for each other. She let’s him know that he’s was the first person she thought would fit with Ricki. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

The fantasy key comes up, and Jef, of course, handles it like the fave he is. He states that his family, her family, Ricki, they’re all involved in this process too, and they need to set an example, he needs to be the gentleman he is. OH gosh he really is better than all the Nicholas Spark movies ever.

Third date: Arie

The third date kicks off with nothing but making out from Arie and Emily on a boat. They take a quick break from sucking face to take a quick swim with dolphins. Emily’s a bit afraid of them, which is sort of odd because dolphins aren’t going to eat you, that’s tuna. (Honestly people, tuna don’t for real eat humans but they could! They’re like eight feet long!)

At dinner Emily turns the heat on Arie now. She mentions that she feels very close to him (how could you not when he keeps grabbing you and shoving your face into his?) but that she doesn’t really know much about him at all. Maybe if they spent less time making out, they wouldn’t have this problem. Arie asks all the big picture questions which is great, but a lot of it is rather abstract. They make abstract plans and abstract statements but do their lives really align? We give Arie points for his carefully mapped out plan for his relationship with Ricki – starting off slow, becoming good buddies, and slowly gaining her trust. That makes sense! We too give him props for that.

The Rose Ceremony

Ooh this is a big one! Emily states that she’s not ready to say goodbye to the one poor sod who will have to go home. Well too bad! Multiple husbands aren’t allowed int he USA (yet). Each man makes her a video interview, which only makes her far more upset. Emily states over and over how she doesn’t want to hurt anybody, which is only natural because she’s so incredibly caring and sweet. But we can’t help but think that perhaps being The Bachelorette was the wrong choice then.

In the end, Sean gets sent home. The hurt is evident in his face and we can’t help but feel pretty sad for him, while at the same time, feeling overwhelmingly relieved that Jef is safe. Sean handles the break-up with a strong, silent stoicism. Whata man.

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One thought on “Polyandry isn’t legal you know: A post brought to you by The Bachelorette

  1. Mythri says:

    bring sean to guelph!

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