Please Stop Talking

I’ve been watching a lot of Olympics this week obviously. I really enjoy watching diving and gymnastics, even though I don’t understand any of it, except that you’re supposed to end with your legs together in both events and the Russians, Chinese, and Japanese dominate.

I find watching these two events is similar to watching figure skating at the Winter Olympics. You’re probably thinking, “In what way? That’s ludicrous!” First of all, I applaud your use of the word ludicrous. Very underused, in my opinion. Secondly, I find them similar in the sense that the announcers are incredibly irritating for all three sports. Seriously, they’re worse than baseball commentators, who spend most of the game talking about hot dog toppings and birds. They’re oddly interested in pigeons.

But I digress. I find that the commentators for gymnastics and diving are rather cruel. They’re always making sweeping and relatively cruel comments about the athletes. You don’t get that as much with rowing. They say things like, “Oh, that’s not good”, or “I can say with certainty that they won’t be getting any kind of medal today”. I once heard someone say “What a horrible disappointment this has been today”. One of the announcers had the audacity to say that the French gymnastic athletes would be okay with finishing in tenth place because they know their team isn’t good. That’s really mean! I’m almost positive that a) the French team would not be okay with finishing in tenth, and b) that they don’t think their team sucks. They’re at the Olympics! They can’t be that terrible.

~ Hilary Lyon Axle Hatchet

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