“He has a timeless maturity”

I still can’t get over the ridiculousness of gymnastic announcers. Seriously, they say the most outrageous things. And it’s just gymnastics, because I was watching rowing earlier and the announcers for that were wonderful. I’ve never heard two more excited people. It was the men’s eight rowing and Canada came in second, but by the way the announcers were shouting, you would’ve thought they’d just won gold whilst curing cancer and discovering unicorns. So much unbridled enthusiasm.

But the gymnastic announcers are nothing like that. I think most of the time they’re grasping at ways to fill the silence. I think that, in those instances, they should just not say anything at all because they end up saying totally ridiculous things. If Kyle Shewfelt, one of the gymnastic commentators for CTV, hadn’t won an Olympic gold medal in 2004, I would probably find him far more annoying.

These are some of the more outrageous things I’ve heard from gymnastic announcers thus far:

“He can tumble like the wind.”

“He has a timeless maturity.”

“The Germans are known for their kamikaze moves.”

“His skin doesn’t look like it has a lot of vibrancy.”

“Look at this, it’s so virtuous.”

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