Hot Sludge Funday: A post brought to you by Bachelor Pad

Ahhh Bachelor Pad. The show opens with Ed moping about a bit saying that he “hates it here” because “people are flat out lying.” Well, yes. That shouldn’t be too much of a shock. Welcome to the game Ed!

Today’s first challenge takes place at an offsite obstacle course, including: hot fudge, whipped cream, chopped nuts, and a cherry on top. “Hot Sludge Funday.” Lovely. Kissing Instructions proceeds to state that nobody could be a worse partner than Ed. Oh that’s going to go well. I have to say the moment where Jaime emerges, covered in foam like the abominable snowman, and then flings herself down a hill of hot fudge, kind of made my day. Take that, terrible person! Though, we have to admit, in the end, she sort of had a point, Ed didn’t even make it to the finish line. Sure, we hate Jaime like poison, but she had a really good point. Ed says that this is the worst thing that has ever happened to him. I kind of believe that. In the end, Dave and that girl who tried to vote off Ed win.

The date is off to a great start by Jaime (Kissing Instructions) stating that Blakely’s personality is not always attractive. Yes, and yours obviously is. In a really weird turn of events their date is prom, completely with balloons and disco ball. Since there are four of them total, and they’re all about thirty, it seems like a really strange theme. Jaime and Dave have a touching conversation where she cries, and it’s hard to determine if those are real tears, alcohol induced tears, or tears put on to get the rose. I kind of hope it’s the first since this is just a game. Blakely doesn’t want Dave to go back on his word (even though she didn’t give him the rose last week) but he, in the end, gives it to Jaime. This has put Dave on her hit list, and now he’s enemy number one in Blakely’s eyes. Erica is just drifting along being vacantly awesome in most ways.

Back at the house, Ed is hooking up with his partner Jaclyn, REALLY loudly. Sarah, decides that she doesn’t think of her as competition (Mmmhmmm?) but still seems really unhappy about it. Well actually all of them seem very unhappy about it, which is only natural, because it’s awkward.

Next up is Rachel’s date. She brings Nick, Tony and Michael. They end up at Madame Tussauds wax museum where Chris Harrison, made up to look like a wax figure, scares the crap out of the people on the date. Lovely. Then the four get their makeup done to look like wax figurines of themselves (that’s weird right? Getting makeup done to look like a copy of yourself?) to scare Bachelor fans. After screwing with Bachelor fans,  most of whom are in love with Michael Stagliano, Rachel gives Micheal the rose, and sends the other two home. Nick seems really unfazed, but Tony (or as we say, Liza) thinks that it’s a poor strategic move (mostly because it’s NOT a strategic move) because she should see that he (Tony) wants it so much more. Right. After Michael gets the rose he and Rachel spend time essentially just being adorable. D’awwww.

Voting day! Reid has a “foolproof” plan to vote off Ed and Blakely. Sarah let’s Ed know because though she tried to vote him off last week after sleeping with him, she thinks she owes it to him as a friend. I’ll just let that irony sink in. Ed decides that he’s going to SMASH Ed, by calling him in the hot tub and calling him a liar. Reid decides that the best tactic is to deny, deny, deny and pretend that he never said any of those things. A lie can be covered up quite well with another lie right? Right Reid.

Blakely has a meltdown because she can’t trust Chris (who can really?) and says “I’m a scorpio. I will sting the $#!% right out of you in retrospect.” I don’t know that that means, or if that’s possible in a linear system of time. Donna has issues of her own – “I can’t leave Bachelor Pad and not hook up with anyone!” Really? Is broadcasting how easy you are a good idea? In a bit of a twist, Kalon and Lindzi have no real alliance, and have instead teamed up with both sides, which Kalon loves in a somewhat creepy way. He enjoys holding the balance of people’s lives in his hands, muwahahaha! As our hilarious friend Heather said, Reid and Kalon are emotionally screwing everyone, while Ed is actually screwing everyone.

In the end, Donna is sent home because she’s a threat to no one, and Reid because he tried to screw over Jaclyn’s partner. She is a force to be reckoned with, apparently.

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