No, I Will Not Send You My Notes. Now Stop Emailing Me.

I have only been at school for three days so far this entire semester and already I’ve received a mass email. Ugh, why? These are only supposed to plague me during exam time. I’m only supposed to get them from idiot second years, who, after the initial fright of  their first year at school, now think they can handle it easily and don’t need to go to class because they’re just as smart without. Here’s a helpful piece of wisdom for all you budding academics: you’re not actually as smart as you think you are. Go to class.

But I digress. The mass emails have already begun. This one was from someone who seemed to have a legitimate excuse (hospitalization or a dead cat or leprosy or some other genuine concern I couldn’t be bothered to remember). That’s fine, you’re allowed to go to the hospital when your cat dies from leprosy. I get it. That’s troubling. But why don’t you email the prof instead of all 186 members of your class? Who’s going to help you? No one. Why? Because we don’t actually care. Besides which, I have hand-written my notes and I can guarantee with 100% accuracy that I will not be either a) typing them up for you or b) scanning them to send to you. I wouldn’t even do that for my mother and I love her.

The worst part of this is that they didn’t even tell me for which class they wanted the notes. I think their exact words were “this class”. What class? Am I just supposed to guess? Or should I infer from the rest of the email list? Because that seems like an awful lot of work (almost as much as typing them out for you). Or perhaps you’d like me to email you all of my class notes for all of my classes and you can pick and choose yourself. I would do that just to spite them, but as I said before, that seems like far too much work to prove a point.

~ Hilary Lyon Axle Hatchet

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