Okay, Let’s Get Down to Business

It’s time for another Hollyoaks talk. I know all of you Canadians likely have no idea what I’m talking about, and that’s fair, but I just think this story line needs to be shared with as many people as possible.

Our discussion involves three characters: Mercedes, Riley, and Mitzeee. Mercedes was engaged to Riley, cheated on him with his dad (GROSS), got pregnant, and then was kidnapped by Riley’s serial killing grandfather. Keep in mind, this is all within the span of like two months. Nice. Anyway, needless to say, Riley and Mercedes broke up at which point there was a solid four months of unresolved sexual tension (UST, if you will) between Riley and Mitzeee (who is his second cousin. Again, GROSS).

Eventually Mitzeee and Riley got together and Mercedes actually lost it. She was incredibly jealous and pretended to stalk Mitzeee in an attempt to make Riley think Mitzeee’s crazy. And then Mercedes stabbed herself in stomach and blamed it on Mitzeee, who then went to prison. That is ridiculous, but whatever.

There was then a long period of time in which Mitzeee slowly lost her mind in prison, Riley cried a surprising amount considering that he’s such a bro, and Mercedes was generally malicious and demented.

Now Riley and Mercedes are engaged again, though I’m not entirely sure how that happened, and Mitzeee has escaped from prison. Riley cheated on Mercedes with Mitzeee, his and Mercedes son Bobby went missing, and Riley told Mercedes about the affair because he’s afraid that Mitzeee may have taken the baby. As it turns out, Mercedes has stolen her own child to teach Riley a lesson because he’s a “dirty, filthy liar”. Ummmm…WHAT? I feel like soap operas are the only place where statements like this are accepted. I feel compelled to warn you young impressionable folk reading this that you cannot steal your own baby to teach your cheating fiance a lesson, especially if you have previously slept with his dad. The world does not work like this.

Stay excellent.

~ Hilary Lyon Axle Hatchet

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One thought on “Okay, Let’s Get Down to Business

  1. […] got nothing on this shiz. You should all probably check it out (like you should check out Holly Oaks) because it’s sure to be […]

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