There’s a gigantic spider in my bathroom that lives in the tiny space between the sink counter and the wall and I’m completely terrified of him. He’s so large! Great black body with long legs and he scurries about incredibly quickly. I’m feeling a bit ill just typing this. Usually he just pops out of the crack in which he lives and then darts back in a flash – afraid of me as I am of him. I gasp and freeze, paralyzed with fright until I muster up the courage to move again, long after he’s disappeared from sight. The thing is, I had been letting him stay because his visits were so very infrequent and quick, and he ate all the other smaller spiders that had moved into my bathroom. It was kind of working for me. That is until this morning.
This morning I saw him and completely flipped my lid. Just freaked right out. He startled me (which I think added to my hysteria) and, in a new and bold move, he was running all over the bathroom floor, and then ran STRAIGHT AT ME! I screamed and fled from the room, and then proceeded to experience what I’m pretty sure was a panic attack. My brother Cam, who rents the upstairs apartment in the house, was still home and, very concerned and armed with Aldo boot protector spray, came down to kill the spider. He was surprisingly good with me, (Cam that is, not the demon arachnid) which was a bit of an improvement over that time I set the oven on fire. We both panicked. It was mayhem.
Calming me down, Cam told me that enough is enough. Whether demon spider eats the little spiders or not, he has to go. We’re going to get some horrible poison tonight and bomb him out. I had to ride the bus to work still shivering a bit, so I agree, I think it’s time.
MY LIFE IS RIDICULOUS.