My Plans for the Future Are Not Realistic

I have already mentioned earlier today that I essentially have no life goals. This is obviously untrue, as if it was, I would be like Beth from Little Women, who loses the will to live because she has no definitive plans for the future like her sisters and succumbs to the scarlet fever she had five years previously. Did a lot of scientific research for that, did you, Louisa May Alcott? I think not.

But I digress. The point of that mini tirade was to point out that I do of course have some life goals and I was merely exaggerating for comedic effect earlier this morning. That’s not to say, however, that my other life goals are any more practical or attainable than being a guest panelist on QI. Actually, my many preferred possibilities are as follows:

  • Author. Interestingly, this is probably the most realistic one.
  • I would also quite like to continue this blog forever and ever, potentially as a living. I would very much like to have business cards that say “Hilary Lyon Axle Hatchet, professional blogger”. I’m not entirely certain how to make money off being cynical, though. If I did, I really wouldn’t need a job at all.
  • Guest panelist on any number of British television shows, such as QI, Would I Lie to You?, or Never Mind the Buzzcocks.
  • Stand-up comic. I am, it has to be said, hilarious. Hilaryous, if you will.
  • I also want to take a stab at the film, television, and radio industries. Just think of the possibilities!

Of course, I will inevitably end up in some sort of office job that requires me to interact with strangers on a daily basis, likely over the phone, which is obviously the worst job for me. But I suppose that’s what happens what you are, like Rachel on Friends, literally trained for nothing. You know, except for reading things quickly and knowing that modernist literature is really hard to understand. One crack at anything by James Joyce will teach you that in a hurry.

~ Hilary Lyon Axle Hatchet, Professional Blogger

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