Twitter: I’m pretty sure you’re doing it wrong

Hilary and I are by no means expert tweeters, though we do try to be hilarious, so you should still follow us (@SarcasmSoapbox). That said, I feel as though we’ve got a relatively good grip on what one should and should not tweet about compared to some. And while I’m fairly certain that the entire purpose of Twitter is simply to help you waste time, there appear to be some people who have somehow got Twitter horribly, horribly all wrong.

1. Paulina Gretzky.

Please, put yourself back into your top, and stop tweeting highly inappropriate photos. This is not what Twitter is for, you’ve clearly confused it with Playboy. (Word to the wise Paulina, Playboy will pay you for that, so if you’re so intent on semi-exposing yourself, you should likely stop doing it for free. That’s just good financial sense.)

2. Every teenage girl ever.

If you want to declare your undying love for Peeta Melark or Edward Cullen in a myriad of tweets every single day, that’s fine. I should tell you that they are fictional characters, but obsess away. Twitter, however, is not really your personal space to vent vague passive aggressive insults. Believe it or not, you’re not so important, so that when you tweet “ugh, you think you’re so hot but you’re really not #sorrybutnotsorry” NOBODY KNOWS WHO YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT. You’re just being vaguely impolite. Stop it, it’s annoying.

3. Clients and customers.

I know it might be a shocking thing, but tweeting Nike and venting your complete wrath over how much their shoes let you down is likely not going to get you very far. Neither will tweeting Lululemon and complaining about how rude Kirsten was when she sold you your yoga pants. And do you know why that is? Because the social media expert at the head office of Lululemon has no idea who Kirsten is. The social media expert is going to DM you and ask you to email or call the customer relations department, and speak to somebody who can actually bloody well help you, which is what you should have done in the first place. Tweeting Lululemon is just going to waste your time and make you look dim. Beside, I hear Kirsten is lovely and she was probably just PMSing.

~ Julia

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