I Am Simultaneously For and Against My New Year’s Resolution

Well, it’s a new year and I have resolved (that’s the right verb form of “resolution”, correct?) to be less outwardly bitter, sarcastic, and cynical. So far, I have done nothing but fail on this front. What this resolution has really done is make me realize just how often something sarcastic comes out of my mouth, which is to say a lot. Holy.

On the other hand, I’m not convinced that this is a bad thing. Sure, sometimes I sound sarcastic when I’m trying to be genuine. That’s a real problem. When something great happens to a friend, I could say “Wow, Maurice, I am so happy for you” and truly mean it, but they hear it as sarcasm because that is the permanent inflection of my voice. Then I get a “well, I don’t need your support anyway, Hilary” look or answer. But, and this is a large BUT, if I try to be less sarcastic, bitter, and cynical, that means that I have to be nothing but constantly sincere, pleasant, and bubbly. And no one wants that.

At this point, some of you are probably thinking, “no, I do want that. Bubbly, sincere, kind people are wonderful”. But I only sort of agree with this. People that are pleasant to be around, relatively upbeat, and nice to you are wonderful. I completely agree. People who are excessively happy ALL THE TIME, however, are not fun to be around because no one can be THAT happy ALL THE TIME and you end up spending the entirety of your interaction with them wondering if this is the day that they will finally snap. And it just might be.

Besides which, pretending to be sincere is in itself insincere. In trying to be genuine, I become fake, which is the exact opposite of what I would be trying to achieve. I can’t win.

In any case, here’s hoping your New Year’s resolutions are less complicated than mine. Happy 2013!

~ Hilary Lyon Axle Hatchet

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