What’s Wrong With Bowling (Apart from the Shoes)

I once made the mistake of watching televised bowling, and I mean that with all respect to professional bowlers. I think that bowling is a great sport (or perhaps it’s more of an activity). I mean, you can start whenever you want to. It’s basically never too late to become a professional bowler. Once you hit sixteen, it’s officially too late to become an Olympic swimmer or gymnast. That is a sad thing to realize on your seventeenth birthday.

There’s only one thing wrong with bowling. Well, that’s an overstatement. It’s obviously not true. There are a lot of things wrong with bowling. Having to rent shoes that multitudes of sweaty-footed strangers have worn time and time before is definitely something horribly wrong with bowling. I don’t know what that spray is that they put in the shoes, but nothing can undo the unfortunate history of rented bowling shoes.

But I digress. What I was really trying to get at before rudely interrupting myself was that there’s a cap on how good of a bowler a person can be. You can really only be as good as it is to get all strikes and then that’s it, you’ve reached the highest point of bowling achievable. The obvious solution to this problem is to add another element to bowling to raise the cap. Some suggestions include two-lane, simultaneous bowling, in which each bowler must attempt to knock down the pins in two separate lanes at the same time. Or a kind of American Gladiators/Hunger Games (without the actual killing) aspect, so that you must take down your opponent while trying to bowl at the same time.

~ Hilary Lyon Axle Hatchet

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