Volleyball on the beach: “This is LITERALLY my worst nightmare.” (A post brought to you by The Bachelor)

First One-on-One: Lesley M. 

Sean takes Lesley to the Guinness Book of World Records … place. She feels a bit let down, because really, that’s a bit of a lame date. Sean then goes on to say how his dad won a Guinness for driving through states (yes, also a bit of a let down). And then they head outside and Chris Harrison is there again, because he’s lovely and divorced so has a lot of time on his hands, and he announcers that Sean and Lesley are going to try and set the world record for longest on screen kiss. In front of a crowd of people. Who’s willing to bet those are all German and Italian tourists who don’t actually understand what’s happening? The kiss only has to last for 3 minutes 16 seconds and an official man comes out and states that their lips must touch the whole time. Well. Yeah. After they break the record confetti canons go off and the crowd of bemused tourists cheer. Nothing says romance like confetti and awkward kissing.

After the record-breaking kiss they head to a rooftop patio to get to know each other on a more intimate level. As if you haven’t already kissed for three minutes. So they chat about high school because it doesn’t get more intimate than that. And then, true to intimacy, they share the most barf worthy kiss involving a lot of visible tongue. Vomit myself to death.

Group date: 12 ladies, too many to name here, mostly because I’ve forgotten already

The group goes to the beach to play some volleyball in matching bikinis. Bit odd that they have a dress code. Chris Harrison shoes up in a long-sleeved shirt and pants. Chris. Please. Put on some shorts, you’re on the bloody beach. As Hilary said, “watching these girls play volleyball is like watching baby fawns learn to walk.” There’s a lot of squealing and flailing and every other girl proclaiming that if she doesn’t win it will be THE END because she HAS to spend time with Sean! One went so far as to say that this volleyball game was the most important game of her life. In the end, BLUE team wins, sending evil Disney eyebrows home, the model (who cries), Leslie, and a whole bunch of other people. There are so many tears.

Sean brings the winning team  back to his place. Lindsay (of the wedding dress gimmick) actually says “oh my gosh I am like completely amazed by you.” And then rambles some more teenaged notions of love throwing out head over heals and soul mate interchanged with “like”. She’s a walking talking Twilight novel. Amanda’s on the date with her hobo hair and her very outrageously bitter attitude. She sells herself to Sean (like it’s an interview) telling him what she’ll bring to the table. She thinks she’s fun. I think she’s highly unusual. She declares, to the girls, that she brought it and she and Des exchange raised eyebrows, so Kacie makes a mountain out of a mole hill, and decides to tell Sean all about it, because she thinks that he won’t tolerate drama. Bringing up drama then, is a bit of an odd strategy…She goes on to say that she has a hard time being herself because of it. WHAT? Sean, certainly doesn’t tolerate drama, he’s so confused, and asks her flat out why she’s even involving herself in it, and asks her to stop acting like a crazy person. Our thoughts exactly. In the end, secret option Lindsay gets the rose.

Second One-on-one date: AshLee

It’s AshLee’s date with Sean and she optimistically says that nothing can go wrong. Just then, Tierra falls down the stars, and the paramedics are called and they strap her neck in a brace. Off to a great start! She’s forced to lie on a gurney and then starts to cry because she wants to be left alone, and whines that it’s stupid, and that she doesn’t want to go. The producers try and get her to go, but she won’t. AshLee is convinced that Tierra is sabotaging her date, and now we have a real rivalry on our hands Kacie!

They finally get the date going and go to Six Flags Magic Mountain, and share their date with two girls with chronic illness, two girls who have corresponded their whole lives, but haven’t yet had the chance to meet. I pulled a Jason Mesnick and and actually teared up a bit. I’m kind of glad that those two girls were there mostly because AshLee has the personality of bran. Only see her show any sort of emotion at the end when she gets emotional in her private camera interview. All in all it was a pretty adorable date, and nice to see The Bachelor using extravagant dates for good.

Because AshLee has been through a lot she’s determined to unload it all on Sean, as contestants tend to do. I mean, she does very well with it, and her story is sad, but sweet, and Sean does so well with her too. HE pulls a Mesnick as well. I personally think she’s comatose she’s so subdued, but I have to admit, she has incredible personal strength and if she can move Sean to tears, I’m thinking she deserves the rose he gives her.

The Rose Ceremony

Sean kicks off the rose ceremony with a surprise for Sarah. A black town car shoes up and she thinks that she’s being sent home (legit), but out hops her little pug Leo! UNCLE LEEEEEOOOOOOOO! It’s adorbz.

After that brief respite of loveliness, the ruthless man stealing begins, and the drama ensues. Blah blah blah.

In the end…

Before Sean hands out any of the roses, he pulls Kacie aside. He tells her that he has way too much respect for her to make her wait through another rose ceremony if he thinks that they’re just better off as friends, and sends her home. Which is very admirable, but what about the rest of the girls who have to wait through the whole rose ceremony to be sent home?

Taryn goes home, feeling broken-hearted because she didn’t get the chance to get to know him. She questions whether she’s sweet enough for him. Kristy, the model also goes home, and is much more rational saying that you can’t force something that isn’t there, no matter how much she wishes things were different.

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