I so completely woke up on the wrong side of the bed today and have been getting grumpier by the minute. So on that note, today, when I’m especially cranky, is the perfect time to air some conversational grievances. People. Stop being so annoying.
- Stop using so many questions marks. You know what’s really, really unnecessary? Writing “How was your day????” or “what are you going to wear to the bar!?” Those are not even remotely urgent or shocking questions, and the more exclamation points you use the more I think you’re just shouting, and it’s just a bloody bar, put on a pair of jeans and shirt. Because I understand the English language, when you use 18-billion question marks I assume that you’re either panicking (stop it, that’s silly) or a moron. Either way, you lose.
- A conversation is not a competition. I’m fairly certain that anybody who ever attended university knew someone like this. You meet up in the library with a venti latte in your hand, trembling from the excessive caffeine, lack of sleep, and extreme stress of your situation, and all you want is to be able to tell your friend that you have to read a 900 page novel by Thursday and have a little cry. And all you really want you friend to do is call your prof a sadist and agree that that’s rough. Once they’ve done that, they can then go on to vent about their workload, have a little cry, and you’ll say terrible things about their professors. But instead, this one particular friend, upon hearing about your horrible 900 page novel woes, says “Oh yeah? Well I’ve got to write three papers, study for two midterms, read 5 chapters, look after my uncle’s parakeet, and spay my cat” as if they’re in some sort of special university course that’s so much more difficult than yours. They’re not. They don’t have to read Dickens.
- Hipster speak. As in: “have you read…” “You haven’t seen?…” and “oh if you liked that movie you’d like these 18 other SUPER obscure movies that are better because they’re more obscure.” If you’re giving me an honest suggestion (“Oh I love the BBC Sherlock too! You might like Whitechapel, it’s quite good as well”) then yeah, bring ‘em on! But if that suggestion implies judgement (“You’ve never seen this Swedish film that even Swedish people don’t like?”) then please, just stop. Because honestly, if you’re going to judge me on anything, judge me on my undying love for The Bachelor, or that I guiltily listen to One Direction. That’s just more reasonable.