Apostrophes Are Not A Choice

Sometimes I just wish people would use proper punctuation and grammar. There is a really important difference between “there”, “their”, and “they’re”. I mean, if you’re going to go to all the trouble to put in the apostrophe, why didn’t you just use that effort in choosing the right word? Obviously I say this largely out of personal preference and general irritation, but it gets to a point when I can’t even tell what you’re trying to say anymore.

In English, we use punctuation so that other people can tell when one sentence ends and another begins. If we didn’t, we’d actually be speaking Latin. Unfortunately, no one speaks Latin colloquially anymore, except for those people on Lost, so you’re unlikely to get very far with it. If you want to forgo punctuation completely, I’m going to have to ask you to start sticking your verbs at the end of your sentences so that I know the sentence is in fact over. And you don’t want that because then you’re going to be saying things like “I to the library this afternoon went”. People will stare.

When you write “hey man ill be at you’re house later tonite my dog is sick right now but ill be their”, it takes me about a minute longer to decipher that what you really wanted to say was “Hey, man, I’ll be at your house later tonight. My dog is sick right now, but I’ll be there”. You only need to take ten extra seconds longer to remember that “their” is not the same thing as “there” and can’t be used just whenever you feel like it. Then maybe I wouldn’t have had to stare at my Facebook page trying to decide if you’re actually ill or if you’re simply too lazy to use apostrophes.

Also, “tonite”? Really? Who are you, Chaucer?

~ Hilary Lyon Axle Hatchet

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