How to Name Your Children Part Two: Exotic Locations

I was talking to my friend Carolyn last night about the recent trend of naming your child after exotic locations. All the Dakotas, the Denvers, the Brooklyns, the Londons… Once again, I place most of the blame on celebrities. Thanks, Paris Hilton’s parents. They’re not entirely to blame, though, because Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon named one of their twins Morocco.

Here are just a few facts (and take that word however loosely as you’d like because I found all of the following information on Wikipedia) about Morocco:

  • It has “a rugged mountain interior”
  • The capital is Rabat
  • The official language is Literary Arabic, which sounds cool
  • It’s a constitutional monarchy and also has an elected government, you know, like England
  • And finally, Morocco has control over Western Sahara (somewhat), although it “annexed the territory in 1975 and a guerrilla war with pro-independence forces ended in 1991”

Yes, Morocco sounds exotic and cool. It had a sixteen-year-long war. It’s unique, I’ll grant you that, although that might mostly be because no one else really wants to name their child Morocco. Naming your child Morocco is way more interesting than naming your child Brooklyn or China. I don’t care if you spell it weirdly, Chyna is still the same word. The only difference is now your child is going to be really confused when she’s learning to spell in kindergarten.

I personally think we should all take a page out of the Carey-Cannons’ book. If you’re going to name your child after an exotic and mysterious geographical location, you might as well go all out, not unlike Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz’s son, Bronx. I have a few suggestions for people thinking of doing this. My extensive list includes, but is not limited to:

  • Uruguay
  • Luxembourg
  • Moosejaw
  • Greater Toronto Area, or GTA for short because everybody knows that people with initials for names end up in boy bands
  • Peterborough
  • Vatican City
  • And my personal favourite, Backstreets of Haiti

You’re welcome.

~ Hilary Lyon Axle Hatchet

P.S. Julia has just informed me that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon actually named their son Moroccan Carey, which is even more ridiculous than I originally thought. They have actually named their child the adjective version of Morocco, which sounds terrible with Nick Cannon’s last name. When they introduce their child, people will be confused as to whether or not they are talking about their son or an actual Moroccan canon. 

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