It’s a slow news day for us all

Well, it must have been a slow news day, because I have learned the most useless things morning. I pity the reporters who had to draft these stories, and because they’re so silly and unnecessary, I thought I’d share them with you. (The stories, not the reporters, that is.)

1. “Money actually can buy happiness, study finds”

This was a headline in The Globe and Mail this morning and I question all of the things. But mostly, I question why this was a real study. Why did a couple of men sit down and decide to prove or disprove an old adage? What an unnecessary waste of time. Next thing you know, we’ll hear about two scientists lining up a rabbit and a tortoise to see whether or not “slow and steady” does indeed win the race. I ask you.

2. Hanson, apparently, is releasing a 9th album.

Yes. Ninth. WHAT? How on earth did they record eight albums in the first place? The only song I can name by Hanson is Mmmbop and I’m a girl, who grew up in the 90s/early 2000s. If I can’t name more than one song, nobody can. Except for maybe the members of Hanson and their mum.

3. It looks like Jelena is back on.

Jelena, for the uninformed (like me) is Justin + Selena. It’s a bad nickname. In any case, according to two Instagram photos posted by the Biebs, the tiny teenaged power couple is back on. Now, I like Justin’s music as much as the next person (which is to say, not very much) but I can’t help but feel like Selena has taken a giant step (or two) back here. She’s so cute! With cute hair! And cute style! And he makes questionable comments about Anne Frank and whether or not she would have been a Belieber. Personally, I think she would have had other things on her mind.

4. And finally, Gwyneth Paltrow “rocks a 70s vibe”

Gwyneth Paltrow, known for saying ridiculous things like “I’d rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup” has really given us all a bit too much information when questioned about her Antonio Berardi dress. It had sheer panels meaning that she couldn’t wear underwear (or twist suddenly to the side, apparently) but it looked absolutely stunning. And when questioned about the dress and why she wasn’t wearing underwear, Gwyneth launched into a spiel about how it was all a bit of a disaster because people were running around looking for razors so that nothing was exposed. This was most certainly the incorrect response. The response should have been “I just loved the dress, despite the fact that underwear wasn’t an option.” and then you leave it at that. Because really, I don’t care if you wear underwear or not, but I most definitely don’t want to hear about what happens under that underwear.

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The dress in question.

~ Julia

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