“Any and all of these items may have once been peed on sale”

On the weekend, Julia and I passed a house that was having what they had deemed a “moving sale”. It was essentially a garage sale, so I don’t know why they bothered to qualify it. It’s rather unnecessary. We don’t need to know why you’ve carted all your unwanted possessions onto your front lawn to sell to your neighbours and random strangers.

At the same time, however, this did lead to a discussion of all the other kinds of sales people could potentially be having. If it’s not a “moving sale”, perhaps it’s a “I’m finally getting rid of all these terrible Christmas gifts that were obviously re-gifted to me sale” or a “I’m going to sell all of my appliances so I can buy meth sale”. Other possibilities include:

  • “Any and all of these items may have once been peed on sale”
  • “I’m ridding my home of the evidence that I’m a kleptomaniac sale”
  • “I’m not moving, but I still don’t want any of this crap sale”
  • “My husband has annoyed me so now I’m selling all of his precious belongings to strangers sale”
  • “I don’t know why I bought so many citronella candles in the first place sale”
  • “I need to sell some of these things before I take the final descent into becoming a hoarder sale”

The possibilities are as great as the pile of junk sitting in your garage.

~ Hilary Lyon Axle Hatchet

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