I Question So Much of This

I discovered this morning that Liam Gallagher and Liam Howlett of The Prodigy are married, respectively, to Nicole and Natalie Appleton of All Saints, the Canadian-British girl group from the ‘90s. This seems outrageously odd to me. What exactly is the attraction? And I mean that in regards to any end of either relationship.

This, if you’re unaware, is All Saints:

At this point, you might be slightly confused. You’ve undoubtedly heard of Liam Gallagher, one half of the most spiteful sibling rivalry since Cain and Abel. He is part of Oasis, possibly my least favourite band of all time, and he does not seem the type to be interested in any member of any girl band, even if she was as aggressive as Scary Spice.

Liam Gallagher has a hardcore unibrow. Nicole Appleton has a hardcore spray tan. How?

Similarly, it seems very unlikely to me that a member of The Prodigy, a rather in-your-face techno/rage rock band from the ‘90s would be a good fit for a member of a pop girl band called All Saints. But perhaps opposites attract. Or maybe it’s a ‘90s solidarity kind of thing.

I’m sorry, but this is kind of like Marilyn Manson getting married to Baby Spice. Or actually, Justin Timberlake. He seems a little bit more innocent, especially with his frosted Mr. Noodle hair from the ‘9os.

I just can’t fathom what has brought these people together. Can you imagine what their family Christmases must be like?

Awful, no doubt.

~ Hilary Lyon Axle Hatchet

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