Bathing suit shopping: it’s not you, it’s the suit.

I went bathing suit shopping last night and it was a trial of patience (and I have very little patience in general). I think this is an experience shared by many women (and possibly men, though their suits are just shorts, so suck it up gents, you should be so lucky). It’s ridiculously hard to find a bathing suit that fits just perfectly and that doesn’t have ruffles, bling, or cutouts in all the wrong places. I don’t know why one piece bathing suits with all the sides cut out are a thing these days, but those are not tan lines I want on my skin. I’m also not sure why push-up bikini tops are also a thing – weren’t they revealing enough just being tiny triangles of fabric?

Alas, I digress.

The point is, it’s not you. It’s the suit. Much like that best-selling, and wholly unnecessary book He’s Just Not That Into You, this is advice you already knew, but likely weren’t acknowledging. It’s not your fault that thong bikini bottoms don’t suit you. TBH, they don’t suit anybody. And it’s not your fault that the thought of wearing a billion ruffles very nearly makes you gag. It’s just not your style, and that’s cool. And mostly it’s not your fault that no store ever sells adorable retro one pieces, preferably with polka dots (this is all I want from my life, I don’t think I’m being unreasonable.) Remember that. Don’t dispair. Try one a billion suits in a billion stores and finally you’ll find the one that covers your bum, makes your chest look nice, and flatters your midsection. It’s out there. I found mine at Joe. Classic.

~ Julia Maurice Sabre-Ocean

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