The Men Tell All: miscommunications and hurt feelings

Last night was the “very special edition” of the Men Tell All, but the only thing special about it was that it managed to be even more boring than years past.

As per usual, Chris Harrison tries to rehash all the old gossip, but this season it doesn’t go quite as well as others. I mean in the past you’ve had Bently, or the Wrestler, or Tierra the spawn of Satan, who created real drama. This season there were just a string of unfortunate miscommunications and hurt feelings.

Ben is the first in the hot seat, and the guys let him know that his attitude of “I’m not here to make friends” rubbed them the wrong way. Well, friends, he’s not. That’s just all there is to it. He was there to meet Des, I don’t know why the truth is so hard for you people. Perhaps he was inconsiderate to his housemates’ feelings, but perhaps they should have just gotten over it. Juan Pablo notes that having that attitude makes you hard to live with, and then shrugs it off in his chill Juan Pablo way.

Next, we have to sit through the whole James-Mikey T-next Bachelor idiocy. This was just a giant miscommunication that James perhaps didn’t handle well. As Kasey, in his nasal voice, accuses James of being there for the “wrong reasons” James should have just apologized for the miscommunication, explained what it is he actually meant, and moved on with his life. Instead, there was an absolute ridiculous amount of shouting. In the end, Des says that by keeping his options open he was being disrespectful to her (true) because they were “in a relationship” (not true), to which James points out that she was also “in a relationship” with 25 other guys. She did not like that. Again, with the honesty.

Chris then calls up Juan Pablo to chat, because for somebody with so little screen time, he certainly garnered quite a following. Three girls wearing homemade “Te Amo Juan Pablo” t-shirts jump up and scream like they’ve just got sight of a member of One Direction. Chris and JP (nobody calls him that, but I might start) have a lovely chat about life, dating, and such, throughout it all JP is just handsome, relaxed, and perfectly affable. Juan Pablo for Bachelor!

In the end there’s an interview with Zach who states bluntly, and without sadness, that yes he still loves Des, because he doesn’t think that will go away. We’ve come to realize that Zach is essentially Chris Treger from Parks and Recreation. When he’s blue, he’s really, really blue, and when he’s happy he’s almost too much to handle. Either way, he’s precious.

Finally, the show ends with a preview for the two-part season finale that we “won’t see coming!” I’m taking bets now, and my money is on Brooks leaves, breaking Des’s heart, who calls the whole thing off, breaking the others’ hearts.

~ Julia Maurice Sabre-Ocean

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