Today, on this very special second edition of Let’s Talk About Tuesday, I am joined by my friend and future roommate Dominique (a.k.a. Cricket or Fox if she’s being particularly sassy, which, I won’t lie, is a lot of the time) because Julia has flitted off to California to have way more fun than the rest of us. Some people. In any case, we’re discussing a topic particularly close to Dominique’s heart, Disney movies (but let’s be real, they’re close to most people’s hearts). This all started because I borrowed Pocahontas from Dominique to watch at my nana’s house. I watched three movies that night.
Hilary: Aladdin, hilarious as always; Pocahontas, lovely music, but kind of boring and not historically accurate at all; and Peter Pan, who knew Peter was such a player? Honestly, my mum must have told me at least eight times that Pocahontas was 12 and bald in real life. And also that she goes to England and dies of small pox. Charming. Actually, isn’t there a Pocahontas 2?
Dominique: I mostly watch Disney movies for the music and sometimes the story line. Accuracy isn’t high on my priority list, but you are right, most of them are pretty inaccurate and unrealistic. For example; shouldn’t there be a law about people dating tiny fairies? I always thought Tinkerbell was a child. There is a Pocahontas 2 but I have never seen it so I cannot confirm or deny what Wendy [my mother, though you can call her Whimsical Mimsical if you’d like; I do ~ H] has been telling you all these years.
Hilary: Well, yes, you make a good point. Although, I doubt with the body of a Marilyn Monroe Barbie that Tinkerbell is a child. But none of the movies are very realistic, as much as I’d like to have raccoon friends. I think that if I tried to befriend a raccoon in real life, I’d get rabies. Or Hepatitis at the very least. And I can’t paint with all the colours of the wind either. I think I’d have to eat a hell of a lot of hemp seeds for that to be possible.
Dominique: I forgot about the raccoon; he is my favorite, so cute! I also feel it would be challenging to befriend a hummingbird and that the two wouldn’t get along. If you dove off that cliff you wouldn’t make it out alive either, even if you were an Olympic diver or Michael Phelps. I would also like to point out at that other movies you watched are equally unrealistic. Jafar has a magic stick and there is a genie! If the genie was a real person he would topple over. He is very top heavy and gravity would kick in. He would also have been selected as a sensitive bro on The Bachelorette. I can’t remember Peter Pan very much but all I have to say is fairy powder, not a real thing. The only realistic Disney movie is the Aristocats – jazz playing, singing and talking cats is definitely possible.
Hilary: Well, Peter Pan has mermaids and an entire made-up land for that matter. They also fly and their dog is their nanny. So there’s that.
Dominique: I feel like Rachel would be a good nanny so I won’t fault Peter Pan for that one. I highly recommend The Jungle Book for your next Disney marathon.
Hilary: Oh my God, THE JUNGLE BOOK! How could I have forgotten about The Jungle Book? I’m definitely watching that one next. I actually read those short stories. Well, I sped-read them, so I can’t actually tell you that much about them except that they had something to do with imperialism and Mowgli doesn’t actually mean anything. Supposedly it’s close to “frog”. Rachel would probably not actually be that good of a nanny. She’s very lax. She would probably just sleep as we burned the house down or choked on arsenic. I’m not entirely sure why we have arsenic, but you never know.
And these are just the highlights, folks. Our conversation went on for much longer than this and took quite a few turns. All I’m going to say is that it ended like this:
Dominique: Sometimes it is fun muting movies and adding your own words…usually works best after a couple glasses of wine. We used to do that at the YMCA when we would get bored and we’d observe the bros in the gym…they are always wonderful.
P.S. As it turns out, Pocahontas actually died of “unknown causes” according to Wikipedia. She also was held for ransom by the English settlers in Virginia and it was at that point that she converted to Christianity and renamed herself Rebecca (Hello, Stockholm Syndrome). And then she married an Englishman and moved to England where she became a prime example of the civilized “savage”. Colonization at its finest, folks.