Let’s Talk About: Halloween Costumes

We struggle greatly with Halloween costumes and we’re sure we’re not the only one. Today, Julia and I explore why exactly it is that we struggle so much and give some totally helpful Halloween ideas.

Hilary: I have this dream to one day go as The Village People for Halloween, but I definitely need other people to dress up with me. I can’t go as just one member of The Village People because, as you say, then I’ll just be a gay cop with a false mustache. I think this is the problem with most of my costume ideas, and I don’t mean that I’ll look like a gay cop, but that I always seem to need at least one other person to make the costume complete.

Julia: I think my major problem is that my sheer laziness prevents me from having a great costume. This year I was going to make my own skeleton costume and paint my face, but honestly, who has the time for that? I’d rather save my time for endless episodes of QI and make a quick mask out of cardboard.

Hilary: That’s also the problem I have as well. I admire those people who sew ladybug costumes out of felt for their children (ahem Mum), but ain’t nobody got time for that. Also, I can’t sew, which greatly limits my costume-making abilities in the sense that I don’t actually have any costume-making abilities.

Julia: That’s why I think the classic ghost costume is great. Get a white sheet, cut out two eye holes and you’re set! I don’t know why I didn’t do that this year, or every year for that matter, but I really should have. Such a classic costume. Other great costume ideas involving sheets: a gypsy or a Bedouin (patterned sheet required), or a cocoon. Never once have I seen somebody go as a cocoon (probably because you can’t use your arms) but it might be the easiest/best costume in the world.

Hilary: Oh man, now I really want to go as a cocoon for Halloween. I might try it. I might also pin a whole bunch of socks to my body and go as static cling, but I’ve seen that before.  Maybe I’ll tape crumpled up paper and such to my body and go as garbage. Or Lady Gaga. Honestly, it could go either way.

Julia: I’ve seen static cling too – such a classic. I’ve also seen a lot of minion costumes this year as well. Some have been adorable and really well done and some have been shockingly risqué. I don’t remember the minions wearing nothing but bras under their overalls but perhaps I’m mistaken. (Also, who looks at a minion and goes, “yes, that’s going to make for one sexy costume”?)

Hilary: I’ve seen people make the most ridiculous things exceptionally scandalous. Like Mario and Luigi. Shorty, hairy, Italian plumbers do not make especially sexy women, but maybe that’s just me. Maybe I’ll be a unicorn. That sounds like it would be fun, but again, how would I do that? I can’t very well tape a funnel to my head and be done with it, can it? You know what I think would be an excellent costume? Abstract art. I think I could maybe do something with that. Tape an extra nose to my head in an odd angle.

Julia: Abstract art might be the best costume I’ve ever heard of. I always love costumes that allow me to wear a fake mustache, but they also usually require me to wear a suit or something outrageous.

Hilary: I was thinking I could also string together a kind of shut-in/hermit look and just wear a lot of patterns all at once. But then I thought I would probably just look like a hipster. And then I was thinking that I could be a hipster on laundry day and just wear normal clothing that’s socially acceptable and doesn’t involve cat prints or flannel.

Julia: Ooh it would be ironic. I like it. Nobody would get it I’m afraid. I wonder if there’s a way I could be a piece of pie.

Hilary: Yes, that’s the problem. People would just think I was dressed normally. I’m sure there’s a way you could be pie, but I have no idea how. I was also thinking I could cut a square frame out of cardboard, write the instagram logo on the top and so on, and go as a selfie. That has the potential to be hilarious.

Julia: OMG that’s the best idea ever! At the bottom you could have all kinds of hashtags, and just sit with a permanent duck face. I’m going to copy you. My runner-up choice is bed sheet Bedouin. So snuggly!

Hilary: Okay, yes, let’s both go as selfies. Then, when we’re together, we can share frames and do stupid duck faces together. My frame will have #wecan’tstop or #thingsdon’trunwe. I’m very excited about this now. OH MY GOSH, WE CAN TAKE SELFIES AS SELFIES. Inception selfie.

Julia: #Selfception.

I think we’ve really cracked it this year. Halloween, meet your match.

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