Today, we’ve decided to discuss something entirely inane. If you haven’t heard George Michael’s “Careless Whisper”, you should probably watch the video now, partially because it will help you understand this, but also simply because you should just watch it.
Hilary: I’ve decided that, in “Best Song Ever”, when they say that they danced all night to the best song ever, they were definitely talking about “Careless Whisper”. There’s just no other option.
Julia: I’m sorry, are you actually trying to tell me right now that the literal best song ever is Careless Whisper? That is a bold statement, sir.
Hilary: I am trying to tell you that One Direction clearly must’ve danced all night to Careless Whisper, which they call the best song ever. I think it’s a statement just bold enough.
Julia: Ah, I see. But then that prompts a follow up question: how do you know it’s Careless Whisper and not Beethoven’s 5th?
Hilary: Because how could it not be Careless Whisper?
Julia: It could actually be anything but Careless Whisper. It could be Tibetan Monks quietly humming the Brady Bunch theme tune. Unless you know that One Direction collectively thinks that Careless Whisper is in fact the best song ever, or unless you’re willing to argue yourself that Careless Whisper is in fact the best song ever, then it could be anything, couldn’t it?
Hilary: Tbh, I think it’s a fantastic song. Its comedic value is through the roof. So much ‘80s saxophone. It makes me so happy. Also, the lines “I’m never going to dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm” are both incredibly dumb and utterly hilarious.
Julia: Oh Careless Whisper is indeed a musical gem, but I feel like I like it ironically, which is probably not what George had in mind when he wrote it. Guilty feet are the worst, perhaps second only to guilty elbows.
Hilary: Or shameful shoulders and morose shins.
In completely other unrelated news, Julia, while discussing the fudge our roommate made, said “I’m committing to fudge. It’s my life partner and I love it. Julia + Fudge 4ever”. We are ridiculous.