“You’re not respecting Momma!”: A post brought to you by The Bachelor

Well, we’re back, just in time for this week’s two part special! I won’t lie to you, this first part was awfully boring.

This week we saw hometown dates. First up is Aiiii Neekee Neekee. She takes Juan Pablo to a barbeque place and then they ride a mechanical bull. It’s all incredibly fascinating. Then, he meets her parents and has a lovely dinner with her family. He doesn’t outright ask for her parents’ blessing, but they do say that they trust Nicki completely and they support her in whatever decision she makes. Honestly, it was just that boring.

Next, J. Pabs heads to Andi’s hometown. She takes him to the shooting range and she gets a bulls-eye on her very first try. Needless to say, I think we’re all a bit terrified of Andi. Not only is she rather emotionally insecure but she’s armed and dangerous. Then it’s Juan Pablo’s turn and we can’t help but feel like it was a terrible idea to arm this man. Andi says that he can’t come home with her unless he hits a bulls-eye which I think is an odd standard. I’d say that he couldn’t come home with me unless he started respecting women or changed his views on marriage equality but I guess that’s just me.

Back at the range they have a lovely dinner with Andi’s family and her also very pretty sister. We’ve got the sort of Kate and Pippa Middleton effect happening here where we’re not quite sure which sister is prettier. Andi gushes to her family about all the wonderful adventures she’s been having with Juan and her dad is being a total Debbie Downer pointing out that the whole time they’ve been going on group dates. Literally, she’s had one one-on-one date with the man and she thinks she’s ready to get married to him? They’ve spent like a second together! We can’t help but agree with her dad. Later, J. Pabs attempts to ask her dad for his blessing, in a rather roundabout way, saying “if we get to that point, then would you welcome me to your family?” and the dad essentially says that they’ll cross that bridge when they get to it. Only he says it in a far more intimidating way so that Juan visibly shrinks back and says “ok, great.” Is it great Juan Pablo? IS it?

Next, Juan Pablo heads to Renee’s hometown and meets her son, who is just as precious as we could have imagined. I think it’s no secret that we’re essentially totally in love with Renee and her cutie kid just upped the ante. Also, I swear, she just keeps getting more beautiful. Her makeup was so minimal, and her hair was totally blah, and yet she was radiant.

Ok. I’ll stop gushing about Renee.

Renee and J. Pabs settle down to watch her son’s baseball game and then head to her parents’ house for dinner. I don’t know what it is about Renee – her maturity, her calm, lovely presence – but Juan Pablo is just so much less aggravating around her. She honestly brings out the best in him. It must be exhausting for her. J. Pabs chats with Renee’s bro and her dad while Renee and her mum have a wonderful heart-to-heart where her mum just gushes about how she wants Renee to be happy. We do too, we do too.

Finally, Juan meets up with Clare and her crazy eyes. They go for a walk as Clare talks more about her dad, and then they go over to her Momma’s house for dinner. She has a million sisters and they all seem to have a touch of the crazy. There’s a very, very odd incident where Laura won’t leave Clare or Juan alone with Momma and insists on speaking for her as if she’s some sort of interpreter. It turns out that Momma can indeed speak English and totally welcomes Juan into the family, so we have no idea what that was about. If anything, Laura might be crazier than Clare. Clare reacted to the whole thing like a calm, collected adult, and whined a bit and then cried, saying that nobody wanted to see her happy. Just ridiculous.

Finally the madness ended with the rose ceremony, where Juan sent Renee home.

I’m sorry, WHAT? She’s the best thing that ever happened to him!

On second thought, we’re actually rather glad that she’s managed to escape Juan Pablo’s clutches. RENEE FOR BACHELORETTE!

Renee leaves graciously saying that it wasn’t meant to be, and that she really does hope that she can find somebody to complete her family. I’m going to miss that woman. Honestly. #ReneeforBachelorette !

Stay tuned for another post tomorrow when drama goes down in the fantasy suite! Oooh la la!


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