Tag Archives: fantasy suite

“It’s ok”: a post brought to you by The Bachelor

Well that got dramatic.

Tonight were the overnight dates in St. Lucia, and everything started off in typical Bachelor fashion. J. Pabs and Clare lounged on yacht, Andi and Juan sat by a waterfall, and Nikki and Juan Pablo rode horses down the beach. Typical Harlequin romance book cover type activities. Apart from Nikki’s absolutely astounding amount of cleavage, nothing too out of the ordinary. All three women went up to the Fantasy Suites and Juan Pablo got all starry-eyed over each of them.

Andi however had had enough. While last week she was excited by the prospect of falling for Juan Pablo, this week she realized that he doesn’t even know her at all. She felt that he didn’t ask her any questions about herself, that he didn’t know any of her important core values, and essentially, that this wasn’t turning into a real relationship, he was just having fun and didn’t actually care about her as a person. Well, yeah that sounds about right.

So she decides to go home, because this is not the sort of relationship she wants to be in. She breaks up with Juan Pablo and lets him know that she doesn’t see a future with him and that she feels like he doesn’t know her at all, doesn’t even really care about her. He says, “that’s ok” and that he understands her viewpoint, appreciates her honesty, and that if she’s not feeling it, he can’t make her stay.

This is where Andi should have cut her losses, given him a hug, gotten the heck out, and badmouthed him in her on-camera interview. But instead she takes offence to him saying that it’s ok because it just reinforces how very little he cares about her. It devolves into a very messy argument wherein Andi’s upset and trying to get straight answers out of Juan and where Juan simply says, shhh it’s ok, over and over and over. Honestly it was a bit exhausting, though a bit exciting. It gets especially good when Andi calls him out for being disrespectful for talking about his other overnight dates with her, and for saying that she only got through to this round “by default.” Defending himself, Juan Pablo says, “No, I said that you barely made it through to this round,” because somehow that’s better, and essentially says that it’s her fault if she’s insulted by his honesty. Eventually, when she realizes that she can’t have a spirited debate with Juan Pablo, as was apparently her hope, she packs up and leaves.

Juan says that he found the argument disappointing and that even if Andi asked to stay he wouldn’t let her. The whole point was that she didn’t want to stay, bud.

In the end, Clare and Nikki, arch-enemies forever, get the final two roses. At this point we hope Clare wins, partially because you can tell  by her crazy eyes how much she wants this, partially because they actually seem to enjoy each other and partially because she talks so much about her family and her dad that she might be the only one that Juan Pablo knows anything about.

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NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE A METAPHOR!: A post brought to you by The Bachelor

It’s down to the final three and the overnight dates. We start the show with a montage showing the highlights of all three relationships as Sean does a voiceover. It’s entirely unnecessary because we all saw this stuff like just last week, but I also think that it would SUCK to watch this back after you’ve won the show. Sean talks about all the things that make each relationship special and different and I can’t help but feel like watching my fiancé talk about how lovely his ex-girlfriends are on national television would make me want to vomit myself to death. Continue reading

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Polyandry isn’t legal you know: A post brought to you by The Bachelorette

Tonight, Emily and the final three head to Curacao (which I had to Google – it’s a Dutch Caribbean island in case you were also wondering). Continue reading

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But where is the fondue? A post brought to you by The Bachelor

This week we start with an interesting recap where Ben states that Nikki is the darkhorse. Is it rude to compare a woman to livestock? We think so. Then we segue to Lindzi clopping in on a horse. And then there’s Courtney who’s just an ass. HA! Continue reading

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