Tag Archives: names

Blasphemy Candygram, Butawhiteboy Cantbekhan, and Beetlejuice Curdlemilk

Like Julia, I too have been preoccupied with packing and getting ready for our big move on Saturday. Not too busy, however, to discover this little gem on Buzzfeed. It’s the Benedict Cumberbatch Name Generator! Honestly, it’s hilarious. And it’s nice to know that other people besides my mother struggles just a bit with his complex name. Continue reading

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Newt! I mean Knute!

Jessica Simpson has officially given birth to her second child after what seems like a normal time to be pregnant and far less interest than the last one. The newest addition to the family is a boy named Ace Knute, which really falls off the tongue. Say it out loud, it’s awkward, especially if you pronounce the K. Continue reading

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Scissor-Knife, Scizzor-Pants, Sabre-Ocean? Introducing my new moniker

Well, folks, after many months of Hilary being Hilary Lyon Axel Hatchet and me just being Julia, we’ve come up with a pen name for me as well. Or nom de plume as my mum said because she’s tres fancy like that. Continue reading

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What’s My Name Again?

I’ve begun signing off these posts as Hilary Lyon Axle Hatchet almost automatically. It has become second nature, almost as if it had become my real name. But it hasn’t and I do actually have a real name, a name which is far more socially acceptable and normal. It’s also on all my legal documents, like my driver’s licence, passport, health card, all that jazz. However, my brain seems to think otherwise. Continue reading

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How to Name Your Children Part Two: Exotic Locations

I was talking to my friend Carolyn last night about the recent trend of naming your child after exotic locations. All the Dakotas, the Denvers, the Brooklyns, the Londons… Once again, I place most of the blame on celebrities. Thanks, Paris Hilton’s parents. They’re not entirely to blame, though, because Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon named one of their twins Morocco. Continue reading

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What’s in a name? (It’s almost as if the Middletons knew.)

I’ve been thinking up names for my hatchback, that I haven’t even bought yet, but will likely have done in the near-ish future. It’s a bit tricky to be honest. I’ve been tossing around Lucy, Ruby, Ruth, Mildred, Millicent, Hank, Bruce, Parker (it seems mildly punny), and Pippa, in memory of my long-dead cactus. I could call her Pips for short. I’ll let you know what I chose when I, you know, choose a car. Continue reading

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How To Name Your Child

Yesterday, I read on Suri’s Burn Book that Holly Madison had named her new baby Rainbow, which then sparked a bit of a rage in me on behalf of her poor, defenseless, stupidly named child. I don’t care how famous you may think you are, Holly, Rainbow is a dumb name for a baby. It automatically makes me question whether she was born on a commune. People need to realize that babies, though it may seem implausible when their toes look like kernels of corn and their kneecaps haven’t formed fully, will someday be children, and then teenagers, and then, even after that, adults. These are things that parents need to take into consideration while naming their child. An eighty-year-old woman named Rainbow is just sad. That having been said, although Pearl definitely ages well, having a four-year-old named Pearl is also sad. Continue reading

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Meeting New People: Seriously, Just Ask Them What Their Name Is

In first year, people are somewhat desperate to make friends. You can tell instantly the people that don’t actually care anything about you, but just want to make it seem like they aren’t lonely. As a result, several people introduce themselves to you in every class. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with meeting new people or making friends. I’m just saying that you meet a lot of people. Continue reading

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How many names does one girl need?

For those of you who have been deeply missing the excellent sardonic sass of Hilary Lyon Axle Hatchet I regret to inform you that she is deep in the throws of midterms and presentations. Yes. Tragic, and I’m sure your hearts and prayers all go out to her in this difficult time. She’s also have some suspicious and sneaky computer problems which, to be frank, aren’t helping things. You’re just going to have to be patient, though I know it’s hard. Continue reading

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Roller derby is my new favourite sport. I’ve only seen it once, so I’m still a little fuzzy on the details, but I can tell you that it largely includes people flinging themselves into other people on roller skates. Doesn’t get much better than that, right? Continue reading

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